saying hello

hi- ive been on methadone for 18 years. I was smoking heroin for one year and wanted to do a seven day detox but had a small baby. i wasnt offered any help or treatment to detox my only option was to be give the methadone. so in replace of a simple seven day detox (which is pretty simple if you get your habit low) i gained an eighteen year addiction.
i am now down to only 5 mls and i will reduce this by one mg a day and in one month i shall be off.

can i say.....i have so much to say- where do i start?

can i say.....its taken me over 15 years to even think about reducing the methadone and this was my only drug....because it was given to me by the doctors i thought it was safe.....

its taken me TWO YEARS to taper down to this point......and only the NA meetings got me started to even think about getting clean from it. ive seen what long term methadone does to people....and know what its done to me. It is going to take me months to recover and i might never recover...

last week i took two sleeping tablets, i wasnt used to sleeping tablets as ive never used them before and i did something that i havent done during my taper- in my groggy state i reached for my methadone bottle and swigged some......then i thought ""this hasnt worked" (i know it takes hours to work....but was under the sleeping pills) and then i swigged some more.

this sent me to bed for two days and i was sick everywhere.......it just occurred to me the irony of having safely used it for 18 years.....and then dying on it right before i nearly come off the stuff....this is because my tolerance level had got so low as i had reduced.

i hate methadone with a passion and would like to campaign against its use for heroin addiction....im in england...i was given a vile substance which speeds your whole brain into over drive....makes you lose all control over your imspulses......works like a truth serum so you cant hold back on saying what you think.......and its four times (at least) stronger than heroin....so you cant come off it


the taper has been vile....every time someone comes off the stuff its a miracle and i think its a disgrace that its still being used as a treatment for heroin addiction. heroin is shorter acting and much safer to use (people dont have to inject the stuff....)

im sorry to all those that have lost their loved ones due to this drug.....me and my friends also find 2-30 years have passed us by when we slept through it all

it really is a horrid- horrid vile drug.

Hey Rosie,

We are so happy you have come to the Forum and shared your story. Yes, 18 years is a long time to be on Methadone Rosie although not impossible to take yourself off as you well know. Here in the Unied States Methadone patients at many Clinics are encouraged to stay on it for life. That is a Lie !!! How brave of you to decide to overcome your fear and started decreasing your dose over the past 2 years.

Besides helping grieving Mothers that have lost their adult children to Methadone deaths I do help people that start detoxing/tapering themselves off this highly addictive drug. I was taught to decrease 10% of your Methadone dose every 7-10 days. This way seems to cause the least amount of discomfort.

Rosie, how scared you must have been when realizing you had been mixing Methadone and sleeping pills. Thank God you are alive and was saved from this deadly combination. People have died from much less. I lost my 33 y/o daughter Wendy on 4/5/06 due to a negligent Doctor who prescribed her Methadone for pain medication. One 10 mg pill can kill.

You have a wonderful testimony to share with others about your life and reaching out to save other lives. We would welcome you here on www.stopmethadonedeaths.com to share your story and preventing other deaths.

Another myth is believing you might not ever recover from being on Methadone. I pray the way you have lowered your dose will work in your favor like others I know.You will get your life back and be better than ever. I'm going to send you a private message with some suggestion, alright.

Thank you again Rosie, your story will touch many lives.

Love, Bren XXOO



Whether addicted to Heroine or any other opiod/opiod it is all about the money...a multi billion dollar industry made by Physicians and Pharmaceutical Company's. Pure GREED and not only in the USA.

thankyou for your very nice reply. I am touched. i guess your daughter is the one in the picture? she looks lovely and she took just one pill that sent her over? which means she cant have been on any opiates before then....like oxy, codeine etc? as her tolerance must have been extremely low.

methadone is an extremely strong drug- if i drank enough of it it would kill me- and ive been taking it on a daily basis for 18 years and have never taken any other drugs on top. its enough to kill me just on its own.
I wouldnt know how much enough was either- so if i had a mad moment and decided to take the same amount is used to take i could die......and this has nothing to do with excess.

its not just the fact it can kill but the fact that your quality of life is so low on the stuff.

i would like it to be used in a clinical setting only- in a treatment centre. i dont think anyone should have it at home or in a chemist or clinic.

this is because it gets the addict hooked on a stronger drug which is harder to come off. and trust me i know all about it. so this doesnt make sense does it.


when i was prescribed it i had a friend who phoned me up and begged me not to take it. i said "I know its addictive but CADAS will help me get off it" and my friend said "no they wont...they wil just leave you on it"
it was a hopeless battle right from the start- from the first moment i took the stuff and therefore i really dont think its an effective tool for treating addiction.

how can you treat addiction with a substance thats even more addictive? its just a vile, wicked approach to addiction issues which prevents junkies from stealing and shoplifting.

the thing is.....a junkie will go through the cold turkey in a jail cell and can come out clean. this is a better option.

there is and should be no place for methadone what so ever.

ROSIE, CHECK I SENT YOU A PRIVATE MESSAGE. LOVE, BREN XXOO

thanks Bren xxxx

keep in touch x

nothing can be more tragic than a methadone death- a life cut short by the fact of not understanding the potency of a certain medecine. it also leaves a legacy of stigma behind it that just shouldnt be there- there should be less opiates on the streets not more. If Narcotics anonymous ran the drugs policy of England and America there would be a hell of a lot less deaths and whole lot more clean people living their lives with the proper tools to live a drug free life.

howdy- 72 hrs since the methadone...waiting game for things to kick in...i look at your daughters picture and feel an affinity with it, ive got a chance where as she didnt . sorry if this has upset you. its hard i know. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Rosie, How are you doing today ? No, you didn't upset me at all talking about Wendy, I promise. People do not understand we love talking about our loved ones especially our children. Family and friends normally think they will upset us and avoid bringing up their names as if they never existed.You can ask me anything about Wendy or about anything in general I am an open book.It is so good to hear from you and it brings me comfort that you feel a connection to Wendy. I do not believe in coincidences ...I believe in Godincidences. I believe you were led here for Many reasons not just coming off of Methadone. Rosie, I sense you are a strong person...you are ready for change in your life and you will help others make changes in their lives.

Are you saying you have been without Methadone for 72 hours or another decrease in your dosage ? My daughter will live on through you !!!

Sorry late writing back to you our 7 y/o granddaughter came home with us Sunday night. She is not wild about me getting on the computer,lol, she wants all of my attention.

Please, write back and let me know how you are doing. Love, Bren XXOO

Many thanks Bren....yes i was without methadone but had to go back on- disappointingly. but i am only taking 4mls a day. so this is already a miracle about to happen in my book. it will come, this beast just cant be rushed im afraid

yes i do feel a connection to Wendy- as she looks capable and quite strong.....and when i put my mind to it i can be capable too- she also looks smart and well dressed- well put together.....and i can be like this too- when im feeling well.

what did she do for a living and how come she ended up on pain meds?

day 3 or 4 off of the methadone and feeling happy. body a bit lethargic....forget about sleep this just isnt happening and hasnt happened for months. but im OK......and i cant believe i am getting out of bed in the mornings and not taking anything......cant wait to get my strength back so much i want to do with my life.

Hey Rosie, Wonderful news and I am so happy for you.Take it one day at a time ...your possitive attitude will help you beat this monster drug . Yes, getting no sleep is the number one complaint. Sleep will return your body is adjusting to a new clock. The Methadone kept you sluggish, unmotivated, numb to emotions overshadowing everything in your life. Some believe days 5-10 are the most difficult, you might even feel like you have the flu. Tapering off slow seems to cause of the least discomfort. Remember no red meat for one month it's too hard on the digestive system. Drink your water, water, water to remain HYDRATED. Try to eat fresh veggies and fruits. EXERCISE is extremely important it can be a short walk, swim, dancing just get your body moving !!!Music is healing to the mind, body and soul...crank up some tunes. You have already started your new life and you have a wonderful story to share. Thank you for sharing here on the Forum for others to read you will inspire them and give them hope. Keep us updated. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Bren

yes thanks Bren...you know your stuff. i have listened to music always- cant do without it- it pushes my brain beyond the fog and depression.
i forgot about the red meat......i will try and avoid...so far my stomach is good on day 5 without methadone.
was upset earlier on but went out for a bike ride and cycled 10 miles. so im feeling more confident now....those symptoms can over shadow things..........i need to active as much as possible now.
its easy to sit and expect life to come to you....but it wont so i will have to work at it.

Don't forget to Dance to the music...it is healing and great exercise. Shake a tail feather, bust a move, get your grove on. Any type of exercise is going to beat the depression. You are going thru your worse days possibly...some people think days 5-10 are the worse...I think you're on day 7. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle. Love, Bren

love you so much Bren...have just been for a bike ride and yes the old music really helps. i am still taking two DF118's a day and they ran out (a friend gave me a strip of them) so today i said to the doctor- can i have some because i fear i will go back to the methadone- i can cut back half a tablet every few days....and i was very nearly there Bren- i put a tiny bit of methadone in my mouth- agonised over my symptoms. so my doctor pescribed me 14 DF's- which is miraculous as they dont get pescribed - now the DF's have worked i feel so much better- the head ache is less. symptoms are there....but the main thing is im still off the methadone....

i know the DF's are opiates but they dont have the mind rotting properties the methadone has. allthough i feel a bit of peace and love right now....due to the DF's its a better alternative to the green zonk. i very strongly feel i am still on track with my recovery- ive faced myself- what ive done over the years- where it all went wrong....and it took guts. so im pretty elated right now.

im sure this is my own elation showing through- the DF's just eased up the symptoms thats all.....we are only frail human beings- not super human. the methadone is that addictive its really important to go easy on yourself. take it slow and you get there in the end- even when you want recovery and a new life yesterday.

love you Bren xx

Also- i just want to say- every time you post on this forum i get to see Wendy all over again and she has real strength shining through and she looks confident, tanned and healthy and i love her smile. so keep posting!

Thank You for the sweet words about Wendy.She did love to tan,lol, the picture is a snap shot one of my friends had taken on our front porch. I love the picture b/c I thought it captured Wendy's spirit and beautiful smile while visting with some of our family's friends.
Love, Bren XXOO

yes i am tanning allready LOL.
had a dreadful day night - if start rambling and posting rambling psychotic madness- its just the PAWS ok? its not really me. im feeling better today though so FINGERS CROSSED>

have so much i want to do!!!

Have you sensed Wendy around you at all? or is this a terrible faux pas question? apologies in advance if it is,
its just that i havent had my mum round me at all and sure could use some proof.
i did however get the sign that i asked for- i was lucky in the fact that i knew she was going to go- and she had no illusions that her life was coming to an end....i went off the rails a bit and didnt know how to deal with it and i just came right out and asked her for a sign. i said on the spur of the moment "send me some sun bursting through the clouds or something"

i chose that sign because i knew my mum would like something balanced (as she was in recovery herself)

she replied "oh thats a nice one....i will try and do that for you"


then i unfortunatelly lost my marbles and rambled a whole ton of stuff that i shouldnt.....

anyway.....the funeral was horrendou...im sure your Wendys funeral was horrendous too? really bad day...made worse by my mums selfish desire to choose dramatic music.....so itw as all high culture and dramatics......had us all in tears....i turned to my aunt who was crying buckets and i said "she got you with the music didnt she....thats what she wanted!"


anyway...a few days after the funeral i was thinking about how i sometimes chose to dwell on the negatives on my mum....and i shouldnt have done - because when she was in a good mood she bathed you in her sunlight. i was thinking this when i was driving. and guess what i saw when i looked up?


yep- sunlight- streaming through the clouds....but not just a bit Bren....it was all over the flippin sky....the only thing missing was some vivaldi and some flying cherubs.


but nothing since....i guess i just need to hang onto the sign......and there will be more co-incidences coming up......another story about her ring....but will save this for another time.

Hey Rosie, How are you doing ? I always enjoy hearing from you it is as if I have known you personally. Yes, we have felt Wendy's presence so many times, signs that we can not deny, she's played jokes on me, lol, has taken and returned my jewelry,  3 days ago my husband felt her tug at his shirt tail, lol. Hearing from her brings me comfort and I've felt other loved ones before, too. What a beautiful sign from your Mum with the sun streaming down out of the sky !!! I can totally relate I had a similiar experience with the moon. How long has it been since your Mum, passed away ? Keep talking to her Rosie she hears you I believe. I have lost many of my loved ones...not all have chosen to reveal themselves... I figure they're busy working on something or someone more important is why, lol. Remember to watch for pennies other change as well. " Have you ever heard the song, " Pennies From Heaven?" How is it going with the DF118'S ? Are you having any cravings ? Write back soon. Love, Bren XXOO